poisonwomb.com

The story of a man in Alabama who, after fighting with his wife, is accused of packing his kids in the car, “driving to the Dauphin Island bridge, stopping and tossing the youngsters off the span,” has hit the news wires this afternoon.

I am hereby declaring that “tossing the youngsters” be a euphemism for shooting a gooey load after a nice masturbation session.

Update: There are reports that the man yelled “Tom Brady ain’t got shit on me!” as he hurled his youngest child 85 yards down river, immediately breaking into a touchdown celebration believed to be the “Vietcong Shuffle.”